took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
