I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
