Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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