And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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