how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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