dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
