is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
