Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Boobs are out for the taking
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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