Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
