I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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