i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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