Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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