I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
