i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
