Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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