We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
