I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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