What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
