people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize