I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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