I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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