Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
