can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
