i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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