Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
