I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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