zippers are such a cool invention
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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