Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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