Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
