I just saw a hot homeless man
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
