at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
