I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
