Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
