he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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