Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love having hate sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
