lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
