i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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