How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
