Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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