I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
