So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Randomize
