Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
