Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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