your room smells of hookers.
And success
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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