Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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