I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
