She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
