he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize