She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
