OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there's paper in my vomit.
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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