At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
