And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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