That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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