Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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