We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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