I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize