Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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