My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
