I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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