so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
