talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
