nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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