I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
