I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
